Twitter is like sex. You can read all the stuff (or look at it) about sex all you want, but if you’ve never had it, you simply have no idea what it’s like.

And once you’ve had sex, you know you could never hope to really explain it to someone else. You will sound like a complete idiot if you try. If you’re trying to explain it to your kid, you will sound even worse than an idiot, but that’s another matter entirely.

Twitter is the same way. Saying that you write short missives of less than 140 characters in answer to the question “What are you doing?” except that nobody really answers the question sounds about as awe-inspiring as saying, “Well, when Mommy and Daddy love each other very much, um… well, there’s a penis and a… a… why don’t you go ask your mother?” And even if you manage to describe the mechanics of the act, it doesn’t exactly leave your rapt listener with any notion about what all the shouting’s about.

This is why I say you just have to give Twitter a try for a couple weeks and there’s no way to really explain it.

Sex is not about just getting something from others. You have to give. In fact, giving can be just as good as “getting,” right? Twitter is like that (I’m going to uh… pump this analogy for all it’s worth). If you just show up and say “where’s all my opportunities at?” you might as well just stay off of Twitter. But if you go looking to give to others, you will have plenty of friends and you’ll grow your network.

You know that desperate person at the party who will sleep with just about anybody, but nobody ever wants to take them up on it? They’re on Twitter, too. You will recognize them by their tweets (that’s what you call a post on Twitter, and yes, I know it’s silly). Their tweets will consist of only links to their own blog posts. They are following thousands of people, but nobody is following them (instead of “friends”, Twitter has “followers”). Stay away from the easy, cheap & sleazy.

Stick with quality. How will you know? They’re the people that just about everyone else is following. They’re the ones providing value in one form or another: cool links, humorous tidbits, and lively conversation.

Now, I know that not every social media site is for everyone. Twitter is technically micro-blogging, but the social component is it’s strongest feature. I don’t care for Facebook, for example. There’s something for everyone. I’m not saying you should be on Twitter even if you hate it.

I’m just saying that Twitter is about as explainable as sex is.

For a good time, follow me on Twitter.

Photo credit: LOVE