How I Threatened My Customers and They Loved Me for It

A couple days ago I updated my new ebook already, called How to Write an Ebook that Doesn’t Suck (And How to Sell it from Your Blog). I sent an email to all existing customers, to whom I promised free updates once they bought it. They’ll never have to pay for updates. That’s their reward for buying early at the stupid-low price I started with.

So in this email I sent, I basically threatened my customers. Check it out:

Yes, I’ve already updated How to Write an Ebook that Doesn’t Suck. Here are the improvements I made:

–Switched from landscape to portrait orientation so now you can print it more easily

–Expanded on how to save time when creating ebooks

–Added in a picture of Yoda (probably the most significant improvement in the whole thing)

–Created a FULL AUDIOBOOK VERSION so you can listen while you work or commute

–Created a VIDEO that shows you how to make bitchin’ ebook covers using nothing more than PowerPoint and Word

Because you were smart enough to buy this when the price was really low, you get all these updates for free. I have now raised the price to $19.99 for new purchases, which is a little more of a “normal” price.

Thanks again for buying my book and don’t forget I love to hear your feedback, so please let me know what you think. Just email me atmichaelmartine@gmail.com.

***DO NOT SHARE THIS LINK OR FLYING ATTACK MONKEYS WILL RIP YOUR FACE OFF ***

http://howtowriteanebookthatdoesntsuck.com/ (HINT: NOT THE ORIGINAL LINK)

***THIS LINK WILL ONLY WORK UNTIL 3/30 11:59PM EASTERN TIME***

Then it comes down. So DON’T WAIT. Download the new hotness NAO. If you have any probs email me and we’ll get ya squared away.

–Michael

So as you can see, I threatened to send flying monkeys after them to rip off their faces.

And they LOVED IT.

I got so many replies saying how it made them laugh, which of course totally made my day.

My Point

Why am I telling you this? Am I saying you should threaten your customers, too? Hell, no (although you might have a couple who could use the flying monkey treatment).

No, what I’m saying here is that humor goes a long way to making a request easier to swallow. Taking a defensive, admonishing or pleading tone wouldn’t really have a good result.

More to the point, it’s not about threatening anyone at all, it’s about letting your personality shine through in your marketing.

My sense of humor and my style belong to me only. My goal is for you to be able to read something I write and know it’s me even if my name weren’t on it. It doesn’t appeal to everyone and that’s fine with me. If you don’t like the way I do things, then go someplace else: we’ll both be happier. The interwebz is a big place, plenty of room for everybody.

Tension

There’s always a bit of tension when you’re selling something (which clearly I am, and of course you should buy it). This tension can result in two unfavorable results:

• We grow timid and “sell from our heels” as though we lack confidence in ourselves or our offer. The results of this is that our prospects also lose faith in us. Chickenshits don’t make sales.
• Or, we start channeling the spirit of Ron Popeil (not that he’s dead–he’s still setting it and forgetting it) and get all hypey-sales-y. CapsLock, cliches and fake yellow highlighter appear like dark magic because we’ve compromised our principles for mammon.

The Third Way: Chill the Fuck Out and Just Be Yourself

But there’s a third way: just chill out. It’s about personality, not about being funny per se. Maybe humor isn’t really your thing. In that case, try an assured confidence. Watch for and excise hyperbole from your copy. Watch for and delete any hint of a lack of confidence.

But do write from the personal.

Imagine you and your ideal client are having a drink together in a cozy neighborhood pub or coffee shop. You’re relaxed, feeling good, and you have something awesome you’d like to share with her. Something you know she would love to hear.

How would you have that conversation? What tone would you take? How inhibited would you feel? How would you treat her questions? What feedback do you think she might give you?

Write your content marketing like that: for your blog, on social media and in your email marketing.

File Under: Easier Said than Done

If you have trouble doing this, beating yourself up over it makes it even worse, like apologizing for saying you’re sorry.

I don’t have all the answers. I may not even have any good answers. But for what it’s worth, here’s what I got:

• It takes practice. Keep trying.
• Paradoxically, most of us gotta get into the right headspace to be ourselves, because our default setting is we’re not. Take a moment and use your imagination (the most powerful tool in your toolbox) to create the “friend in a bar” scene above. Feel yourself being there, and start writing.
• You can really circumvent your own defenses by recording actual conversations with others (or even just talking out loud to yourself) and then transcribing the good bits. Just get on Skype, call a friend, turn on your call recorder, and say, “Hey, can I tell you about something? I just want to see if I can find the right words and bounce something off you.” See how that works.
• Speaking of audio, if it’s writing where you freeze up, then switch media: do audio or video instead.
• Before you publish or send anything, ask yourself: “Does this sound like me? Would people be able to tell this is from me, even if my name weren’t on it?”
• Keep an eye on your own quirks and make a note of them: they’re your brand. I say “gotta” and “actually” a lot. I can be teacherly and sarcastic by turns (and I use a lot of parentheticals and retardulous made-up words). When you see that stuff you know it’s Michael Martine. Oh, and occasionally, I swear. But not right now, because that would be too obvious.
• Did I mention it takes practice? Perseverance rules.

Be cool, Hunny Bunny. Give it a shot, try it for yourself and see what happens.

And I just might recall the flying attack monkeys.