Most people wonder from time to time if they’re doing the right thing with their lives (whatever that means). For me, this is an acute, chronic condition that just never goes away. If I’m not twisting in the nether, I’m not awake. And when I sleep my dreams are often of being lost in a huge labyrinthine basement filled with ducts and plumbing (make of that what you will).
I have this belief that at some point I will have Found What I’m Looking For (cue U2 music). It’s a belief because there’s no rational basis for it at all whatsoever but I continue to act as if it were true even though I consciously know better.
There are many ideas and ideals at (conflicting) play here:
- Do what you love and the money will follow.
- Do what you’re good at better than anyone else.
- Find a specific group of people who have a problem you are uniquely suited to solve and offer them the solution they seek.
- Enjoying life doesn’t mean working 24/7.
- Enjoying what you do to earn a living isn’t actually “work.”
- Everyone will be known for something after they’re gone, so what is it I want to be known for?
- Is it better to aspire to greatness or to enjoy life?
- If I hate to do something I will procrastinate until the end of time if I can get away with it.
- In the new world of internet business, where blogging, social media, and email are your main avenues of communication, personality/personableness/authenticity rule.
- I suck at following my own advice.
As I’ve been running Remarkablogger over the years (since the summer of ’07) I’ve made some changes based on many of the above ideals. For example, I don’t do blog designs anymore. Seriously, I would rather work at a checkout lane in a grocery store. I have the skills and the talent but I’m not cut out to deal with people when it comes to this kind of work. I don’t want to do what people tell me, I want to tell them what to do! 
Teaching, training, coaching, and writing are what I’m very good at and also enjoy. I always feel jazzed after helping a client over the phone or doing a webinar. Writing and making videos are also easy for me and I’m good at them. If you believe in natural talent, then I guess those are mine.
But over the past few months, I have seriously questioned everything and found a sudden distaste for things I did regularly, like writing blog posts, being on Twitter, promoting affiliate products, or even creating my own products. I grew to hate, hate, hate, hate my inbox. I unsubscribed from newsletters left and right. I have well over one thousand ignored feeds in my reader.
I actually hate sports, but I think a sports analogy works perfectly here: it was like being a pro basketball player and suddenly questioning the game itself. Think back to what happened when Michael Jordan decided what he really wanted to do was play baseball. Yeah, that didn’t go so well. And by the way, I’m not comparing myself to Michael Jordan like I’m so great or anything, he’s just the only example I can think of that parallels what I’m experiencing.
Destiny
Destiny sounds like a big deal, but I don’t think it is. I think destiny is pretty mundane stuff, actually. The problem is that destiny often seems to conflict with these notions we hold so dear of doing what we want or love to do.
If I wasn’t doing Remarkablogger, what would I rather be doing?
I have asked myself that question a million times in the past couple months, and you know what?
I have no idea. There are simply other things I’m good at which I could be doing, but they do not “call to me” as it were, and I could not take them up and earn a living from them in a short amount of time.
And what is destiny, anyway? In one sense, it’s a predetermined outcome, sort of like the idea of fate. I don’t believe in predetermination in that sense, nor in Predetermination, either, if you know what I mean. I’m working with the other definition of destiny:
fortune: your overall circumstances or condition in life (including everything that happens to you)
All the choices I’ve made in my life and the circumstances of my life combined have brought me to this point, like a train on a track. And the train’s gonna keep going.
So Now What?
Well, I’m not exactly sure, but I can tell you that the writing here will become a little more personal because I’ve decided let you into my head instead of just “teaching at you.” This is what is so different about how we do things online compared to the past. It’s a cliche that the medium is the message but like all cliches it’s perfectly true, and of course what is a blog at its core but an “online diary.”
What kind of online diary? Well, it will probably read and feel a lot like this post to begin with, but who knows how it will evolve. Like I said in the headline, this post has no point. Blogging and online business is what I do, and it’s a really big part of who I am. It’s not some slick marketing persona or facade I put on, it’s the real me: the guy who sleeps in late, has a messy office, and plays Warcraft too much.
But damn if he isn’t working from home and making money online and has a knack for helping you do it, too (ok, enough with the 2nd person weirdness).
It has become my place in life (my destiny, if you will) to help other people figure this stuff out, and every time I speak with someone and the light bulb comes on over their heads, that destiny is confirmed.
If you’re running an online business, too, then your destiny may easily be linked to mine. I hope you’ll join me, but just remember we really have no idea where we’re going.
I knew you had to be up to something…
I am, I'm just not exactly sure what it is, yet (and I may not ever be!).
Good for you!
I've recently gotten more personal with my readers and it was scary at first, but it's worked out pretty well. Hope to see you do the same.
-Erica
It's often a terrific idea (provided you have a good sense of appropriate boundaries, LOL). I'm not afraid of it, I just see it as part of what needs to happen to take things to the next level.
Very interesting, there are days when I feel pretty much like that though with different aspects of my business.
The thing is, you're so good at teaching – Blog Traffic Fisher was awesome when it was up and everyone I know who has interacted with you speaks very highly of you. I'm sure whatever direction you end up heading in with this it'll be great!
Thanks, Joel. I think I may fold BTF into the main site here. Still mulling that over.
It's a pretty common problem, and one I've seen many times over the years from on-line entrepreneurs.
It's exacerbated by the fact that you can actually do anything you want to! If you decide to get up at noon and play WOW all day, then there isn't anyone to tell you that's not a good idea, or fire you.
There are only two ways around this:
1/ You either find the thing that really inspires and motivates you, which will mean you can't wait to do more. Or:
2/ You develop an incredible focus on objectives, so that achieving those becomes your passion, rather than the tasks required to do so.
Does that make any sense?
Great points, Mike. Yes it makes fantastic sense.
Partly, I may have just needed a break, too! But I feel renewed and am excited to see where things go from here.
Michael,
This is an extremely important and exciting post.
I've thought about this (“this” being the concept of the self and how it relates to internet business) often in 2010 as I've continually reassessed how I communicate about my work in the online space.
There is much to say and I look forward to hearing your unfolding experience. I'll bullet point a few themes/topics/questions that come to mind:
- What is destiny?
- Is it possible to live a life centered on passion and purpose?
- Can we really be successful without addressing the core issues of being, the self, and belief?
- Is “internet business” for everyone or is success predicated on finding satisfaction in the tasks that make up “internet business”?
- What is the value of continually updating skills and accomplishing tasks when our worldview undermines us?
- Do we live our lives chasing the hope of a future reward that never materializes?
At its core, I believe we are dealing with issues of the soul and finding how we express our true selves in the world.
I think it's fantastic that you've taken this turn in your writing and are sharing these deeper considerations with the world.
To the journey,
Kirk
Wise words, Kirk. Clay Collins and I were chatting on the phone once months ago and we were talking about how entrepreneurship is one of the most powerful paths there is to self development, and yet it seems mercenary and greedy and cutthroat and un-spiritual to most people.
Go figure!
It might be helpful to focus on the benefits to one's character entrepreneurship brings in addition to the external promises of more money and increased control.
I think that living from a sense of passion and purpose will be the most rewarding, whether it leads you into your own business or not. The more we can be who we're meant to be in the world, the better off we, and everyone else, is.
I feel this a good place to be.
My $2,000,000: It's not what you are doing, it's who you are
Exactly. As a person I am not defined by how I make money.
I wondered where you'd been. I was looking over your archives and saw the drop-off rate in posts, as well as your presence elsewhere online.
It's good to take a step back and re-evaluate; can make a huge difference in the next stage(s) of our evolution. Look forward to see where you take us next, mate.
Thanks, me too!
One of your greatest posts, Michael! Thank you.
Actually yesterday, it occurred to me that I haven't received any Remarkablogger posts for a while and wondered whether Feedburner had dropped my address. I checked, and it said I was already subscribed.
It was just that you hadn't written for a while. You were soul digging, it seems.
Please just let yourself be. What you wrote is really inspiring and exciting.
Well, thanks. Funny how my hand-wringing would be inspiring to somebody else, but if it is and it helps you then I'm glad!
I won't try to sound deep or anything but of all the TTers I attempted to interact with when I was a subscriber, I felt you were the only heavyweight ( not meant to insult anyone) who reached out and did not try to hype me to commit before understanding WHAT I thought I wanted or needed. And because of that I knew I would model where I was going on many of your traits I was interpreting as a result of reading your posts. You see I wondered how people were truly living their authenticity, if that was of interest to them, and at the same time were able to narrow the focus of their blog so as to drive a successful business. I wish you a satisfying and rewarding leg of this journey. And I have my eye on you and hope to work with you at some point down the line.
Thanks Patricia! Authenticity can be surprisingly difficult. Seems as though I have to peel away layers like an onion.
what would I rather be doing?
“I have asked myself that question a million times in the past couple months, and you know what?
I have no idea.”
I'm right there with you. While I have a “day job” I really don't much cre for it, but I have no idea what I'd rather be doing
I wondered where you were! I guessed when you didn't answer my how are you @message something was going down for you.
Life's like that. We kid ourselves and the world if we imagine we can be dynamic and kick-ass all the time. Those of us who work more from the ground of who we are need to sometimes look more inwardly, and sometimes that means shutting out the noise.
I love how honest you are in this post, even if you don't know how you're moving forward. Since finding you online, and working with you, I've had the most enormous respect for who you are and what you do. There's so much smoke and mirrors in the online world. I can't help but feel there's a place for those – you? – who are prepared to be really real.
Sorry I neglected to reply! Sometimes emails do slip through the cracks despite my best efforts at managing.
And thank you for the kind words. Not only is there too much smoke-and-mirrors online, but even worse is snake oil sold as as authenticity and minimalism. Bleh… makes me puke.
Here's to a much more heartfelt and authentic future for both of us.
glad it's not just me
Hey man, you going to BWE? I missed you last year, but I'll buy you a beer this time.
Dude if I'm successful at making it out I owe you and about 27 other people a beer. I owe you a beer just for that adwords code you sold me! Dead serious
Seriously though Michael…you planning on hitting BWE this year?
I, like everyone, had wondered where you'd slipped off to.
Great to see you back, even though, like most of us, you are not sure where you are going.
Maybe that's what makes this stuff so exciting!
Thanks Michael!
What's it all about, Alfie? I resemble your remarks … most who are hones will do likewise. I learned long ago that just being good at something doesn't mean you have to do it to make a living.
Insightful, candid post. Well done. I'm at the early stages of “trying to make a living doing 'my own thing' online”… so all I can think about is how much better my life will be once I get there. Like anything else though, once I get there, I'm sure there will be a whole new set of self-examining going on. Anyway, sort of a “pointless” comment for a “pointless” post
And I thank you for your pointlessness.
Be careful with that “once I get there” thinking, though. There is no
“there” because it's really a horizon… you never “arrive” there, but the
journey is awesome.
I haven't clicked through here for a while… I like your new design! This post brings Rilke to mind: “Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”
I think the new approach sounds interesting. Life unfolds to the better way!
Wow thank you for that.
Hello Michael,
I am for the first time with you to visit and find your helpful Postings fantastic. With your hints and opinions I can to it-learn further.
Your article partly sounds very philosophically, probably shows your authority and your passion for what you write.
P.S. if I your photo sees in such a way, then me the following thought comes: “The Michael is determines U2-Fan”, tunes this or is that not at all like that?
Greeting from Jenny Weber
A close friend of mine recommended that I get more personal with my readers. While I haven't yet I do intend to very soon and I am very interested to see what the results are going to be. I look forward to getting into your head as you're great teacher so it will be interesting to see where it comes from.
This is the first blog with 100% blogger readers i've found. (well, 99% i'm a consultant). I read your post as dirinking an expresso at the front of my park: with ease, just understanding.
I think stepping back and questioning everything is a seriously good idea and should be done be everyone regularly. Not because we should be constantly changing for changes sake or endlessly naval gazing but because it can stop us ending up on the mediocrity hamster wheel.
Trouble is we are all so busy being busy these days that people find it difficult to step back to create the mental and physical space to challenge and question.
Great to hear you made that happen for yourself. Looking forward to seeing what unfolds here.
Compelling, personal post that got me out of “skim read” mode. The I also thought of the example of the Garrison Keillor hiatus from “Prairie Home Companion.” Thinking and feeling are lifelong decision-making tasks. Surfacing and attempting to step outside of one's self is challenging as when you are in it, you cannot see it. I identified with the Google reader overflow and the disillusionment with the inbox. A classic, and I think wonderful, coaching question is, “Is there another perspective?” This may also point in the direction of taking a break, a hiatus – with or without a Jordan/Keillor impact.
Career, job, & identity are complex interwoven systems that make the whole – and shift, often in relationship to many other aspects of life. There is a recession, a possible double dipper, going on…which affect us all – friends, families, communities.
Thanks for a provocative, personal & challenging post. In the end, I'd add one more key question with the word “now” tacked onto the end of it: “What's important?”
Well if it knocks you out of skim-mode I'll take that as a compliment.
It's interesting you brought up the idea of recession, because my initial
reaction was: what recession? That's been a huge benefit of the life I've
chosen.
Figuring out what's important kind of obligates you to act accordingly or
suffer significant regret and guilt at shrinking away from your self if you
don't. Those are the kinds of feelings that cause people to seek escape in
the first place… which makes it worse.
First you ask a lot of great questions that as I find myself working on a Sunday night I am asking myself right now. I can honestly say I have learned a ton here and applied it to my stuff at Financially Digital. I think making a shift to let people know whats going on inside your head is an awesome thing. It will bring a better understanding to you process and into what I love to come here for. I can't wait to see what directions you go!!
Shit, get out of my head will you? lol
You seem to be exactly where I am (have been) for the past 6 months. Lots of what you write in this post hits on all points for me. (Quite obvious if you read my posts as of the past few months)
I'm still figuring it all out for myself while not standing still and moving. I'm going in a few different directions, speaking, teaching, coaching, blogging etc.
Hell if anything I've let it all lose over the past year in my blog with some way personal stuff. I've gotten damn near naked (figuratively speaking of course) with it. All while developing an audience and learning as I go.
This comment may have no purpose either except that I totally fee you and get where you're at. (At least it seems like it) and I'm figuring it all out while I have fun at the same time.
I was listening to an audio by Eben Pagan yesterday which talks about how the quality of one expressing themselves and how it's based on practicing excellence. Our ability to feel “fulfilled” by contributing fully to our vision of a better world is dependent upon our level of excellence we practice.
Not sure where all of that is headed just yet but it's better (and more clear) than where I was a year ago.
Love the insight and conversation Michael.
Hey thanks Tony, nice to see I'm not the only one.
Why are business, self-development and spirituality so inextricably intertwined? It's crazy…plus, the best bloggers (in my book anyway) all seem to address all of these. You simply can't run a business without working on yourself from every angle.
It's the innate drive man. I so know what you mean. Our drive for excellence
at what we do depends on these foundations. It's at our core. Even if we're
not quite sure how it all comes together at first. Mans search for meaning.
Totally agree, every angle brother. Every angle.
Thank you for trusting us with a peek under the hood. I much prefer personal words to ad copy. I've gotten cynical enough that I spot it wherever I go.
The Book of Not Knowing is messing with your head? Haha. I remember you recommending that book a while back, and I don't know how seriously you took it, but I read it, and it totally fell into alignment with what I've been doing lately. What you're talking about speaks to me directly, Michael.
What is it we're supposed to achieve anyway? If fulfillment lies outside ourselves, then it will always be intrinsically foreign to us no matter what we do. If fulfillment lies within us, there's nothing really to do…other than just be, while helping others in whatever capacity we can. In any case, simply enjoying life is the answer. I see no purpose in stressing things further than that, yet I still get caught up in the bullshit on occasion
I will be very interested to follow the results of your being more personal on the blog, rather than just being focused on business.
Point or no point, this was an interesting read.
As for the questions asked, I'd say aspiring to greatness AND enjoying it would be your best bet.
This is why I quit trying to build my freelance writing business. I love to write. I hate being told how/what to write. So I blog, tweet, etc. instead.
After a lot of soul searching, I discovered that I enjoy talking to people. Helping them solve problems. So coaching seems the right direction to go. Specifically for people in transition (and who isn't?).
Thank you for baring yourself this way. It's nice to know that people I follow and admire have many of the same worries, fears and conflicts that I face each day.
Thank you for all of your posts! Great advice can be found for those who look. This is a great post!!
Hi Michael I've read this post a few times. I find the questions you pose interesting
It's been really interesting to read other readers comments too.
I like this post because it takes courage to admit & ask yourself these questions and then to post them for public view. I haven't come across that often.
Thank you for being so open about trying to find your truth. Maybe people get caught up in the day to day and forget that finding what's true about ourselves is the thing we're all living for really. And that it's not something to worry about, it's something to embrace.
I love this, not least because I talk to clients all the time who are stalled in their work because they can't find their passion. Sometimes I think passion is overrated, especially when it comes to working for yourself.
Can you do something well and do a little good along the way? Can you do that and support yourself and your family? That's a thing of beauty. And in the process, perhaps you meet yourself in new ways, which may show you a new direction.
By the way, I'm not talking about you, personally, but all of us in this self employment game. Thanks for a thought-provoking post.
True, not everything we're passionate about can be or should be turned into
a moneymaker. Some things need to be done just for the pure enjoyment of it
and the work of earning a living is separate from that. Hugh McLeod of
gapingvoid.com calls it his “sex & cash” theory. If you haven't read his
book *Ignore Everybody*, I highly recommend it.
I love this Michael
I'm looking forward to discovering along with you where your (ad)ventures take you!
Michael,
It's nice to see this side of you as well. You've been a motivating force to a lot of us over the years. I hope your fuzzy vision sharpens.
i love your blog Michael. its very useful for me, as far as i concern to this topic.
Thanks alot
Love your blog. I am a new internet business owner
I am reminded by this post of many of my late teen years wondering what I”M going to do with this “internet thing”
I knew it was important, I knew I loved it. But what would I do? It was only then that I realised that I had to write my comments and thoughts to share with the world. Then I received an audience, then I created a business. Since then I've never looked back!
Hey whats wrong about getting lost in a basement full of ducts and plumbing.
your post is so good.thanks for taking time to discus this topic.