If you think that headline sounds a little insane right now, welcome to my life. It’s true. I quit my job yesterday and I’m separating from my wife. Being a successful blogger may not seem like a big deal in the face of all that, but I enjoy it and it’s how the bills get paid (soon it will be the only way the bills will get paid).

Oh, and, by the way, I started a personal blog. Why? because Darren Rowse did, and I want to be cool just like him. Seriously, I had been wanting to for a while, but the inertia I would have to overcome to create it was a dealbreaker. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. Then two things happened: Darren Rowse really did create a personal blog, and I realized I should not wait—there was no point in waiting.

Inspired by his example (hey, he’s still the “big poppa of the blogosphere” and I still learn from him), I created one, too. Second, Posterous blew up big and I thought, “why not use it for my personal blog?” So, problem solved. With Posterous, there isn’t even any real setup to speak of. I don’t think it could possibly get any simpler. At some point later, I’ll migrate to a hosted WordPress blog.

So, back to the job/wife thing.

The job/wife thing is also the successful blogger thing. In other words, the same traits and actions that are allowing me to weather these massive changes and come out on top are the same ones which help you succeed at… well, anything, really, not just blogging. Plus, the events of life are all intertwingled. What happens in your life does not occur in separate boxes.

Here’s the secret: don’t do things the same way other people do them. Do things the way you really want to do them, in that special way only you can do them.

Seriously, that’s it. Of course, it’s not easy for most of us, because we were raised to not do that. That spark was snuffed out by parents, society, religion, and education. But it can never be completely snuffed out. You can work it back up into a flame with care and attention.

Most people are not successful. That’s not exactly a newsflash, I know, but think about it for a moment:

If you really want to be successful, then how can you possibly do what most people are doing and expect success?

I mean, right? Most people are not successful, so don’t do what they do.

And the people who are successful, what do they do? They do their own thing. Which means you can’t just say, “do what they do” like some kind of magic formula you can follow. Successful people do what they want. Not in a lawless or undisciplined kind of way, but in a free, confident manner. They do what is in their nature to do. And they refuse anything else.

I’m using the word successful here because you expect it. You know what it means. And that’s part of the problem, because true success you have to define for yourself. Following anyone else’s idea of success will make you profoundly unhappy. If you look deep within yourself for what will be fulfilling and worthwhile in your life, it’s likely you’ll strike out on your path to happiness, which will be scary and piss people off you leave behind.

What is it that most people do about work? They work for someone else, and they hate it. They’re taught that is the way to be, and to not think about it, and that’s that. Work is simply something you hate. If you love it, it’s not work, it’s play. But the only people who get money to play are professional athletes, right?

It’s more possible than ever to make a good living running your own one-person (or more) business on the web. But that’s not even really the problem. The problem is that we are only taught one way to leave a job: you either quit right now and walk away, or you give two weeks notice. Two weeks is (usually? hopefully?) not enough time for you to be easily replaced. I’m not interested in burning bridges, but I am interested in maintaining strong relationships.

I gave my employer two months notice, and after that I’ll still do some occasional contract work for them. This works so much better for me than the usual scenario people expect. And that’s the point. I don’t do what’s expected. I do what I feel is going to be truly best. I’m not going to automatically follow some tired old “script.” This way, everybody gets what they need and we all still respect each other.

I’ve been married for over ten years. I still love my wife and she still loves me, and we’ll always love each other. We’ve realized that we can’t be together as husband and wife and be ours true selves. We each can’t be what the other person truly needs—it’s not in my nature to be what she needs, and it’s not in her nature to be what I really need. We’ve tried for years to figure this out. I can’t be someone I’m not. There’s no rancor here, no hate, nobody’s out to hurt anyone. Our eyes are wide open about what we’re doing and why we’re doing it. There is no other way.

We’re not following the script everybody else follows. We never did, not even from the beginning. I think of us all more as a tribe than traditional family. The normal script says that when your marriage isn’t working, you seek out an affair and/or get counseling. That script says you should lie and cheat and then feel guilty and outraged when caught. That script says your divorce shall be bitter and expensive and ruinous. That script says you end your relationship in hatred.

I don’t know who wrote that script, but they’re a fucking idiot.

Sure, there are times when I feel incredibly sad about what’s happening (who wouldn’t?), but we couldn’t go forward living a lie—that would be even worse. We had to do what we felt was right, what we wanted, even though almost nobody else does it. And I am so very glad we did. This is going to be better for the both of us, and for kids & grandkids (I only have one grandchild now, but I anticipate more in the future).

With blogging and business, it’s the same way. Most people don’t succeed, so… don’t do what they do! What truly succeeds is not formulaic. There may be similar or repeating elements, but one person’s success can never be exactly duplicated by another.

What’s funny about the blogging “scripts,” is that it’s not that they say the wrong things, it’s that people just don’t understand what’s truly being said in them. They read trite blogging commandments, like, “write great content,” but they haven’t a clue what that really means. It’s not reproducible except in the most general sense.

The most powerful thing you can do is inject as much of your personality and your own life into your blogging as you can. If you have no life and no personality, then you don’t have anything to blog about. Get a life, be adventurous, do things that are true for you and scary. Being knowledgeable about a subject isn’t enough (and most people aren’t even that).

Let me see if I can distill all this:

1. Don’t do what everybody else does. Find your thing and do it.
2. Inject your personality and your story into everything you do. Figure out why you’re different and better and rock that.
3. Do what you’re great at, even if (especially if) you have to define something new, and ignore just about everything else, or make a jack move in an unexpected direction.
4. If you’re doing this in your personal life, it will carry over into your blogging and your business. If you’re doing this in your blogging and your business, it will carry over into your personal life. That’s not a bad thing, it’s a good thing. A very, very good thing.
5. Profit! After all that, you’re bound to have the guts to ask for the sale and make your money. Remember that money is a means, it’s not the ends.

I hope this post really charges you up and/or really bothers you. I hope it makes you a little uncomfortable with how personal I’m getting. I hope you feel called to task a little bit.

And I hope you rise to the occasion, live your dreams, and never look back.