This is a guest post by Alex Fayle of Someday Syndrome.
Envy and jealously thrive in the blogosphere despite the usually glowing messages of support that fly back and forth.
Every time someone announces achieving a new level of social media success, outwardly many people say “Yay!” and inwardly say “Why isn’t that me!?!”
That’s quickly followed by: “My posts are more in depth/funnier/better written/offer more practical solutions/whatever” and a really good pout.
Why Comparisons are Easy
It’s hard-wired into us. Human beings make sense of the world by comparing things: am I bigger/stronger/faster than this creature which (depending on my answer) will either be my dinner or I’ll be its.
Comparisons exist everywhere. Everything is more or less than something else. It’s an integral part of our language. In business, we establish benchmarks then measure our progress using comparisons. We do competitive research by comparing our company to other companies. In sports, everyone is ranked (compared) being either higher or lower than others. Kids at school are ranked smarter or more stupid in different courses.
Why Comparisons are Bad
So, if they’re everywhere, then why are comparisons so bad and why would we want to stop making them?
In many situations comparisons are good (like a runner dropping in her minutes/per mile ratio – you want to compare such things to know that you’re making progress). Problems arise when we start comparing ourselves to others because we stop comparing apples to apples (our past selves with our present or future selves) and start comparing apples to oranges (ourselves to others). And here’s why it’s apples to oranges.
Different Markets
Everyone has a different market. Let’s say you’re in the personal development blog market. It would therefore be super easy to compare your blog to other personal development blogs. After all, they’re alike, no?
No. You might focus on personal stories while someone else researches the web and pulls together impersonal essays. Neither is better than the other and each has its own audience.
Let’s look at two magazines: People and The New Yorker. They both exist to inform and entertain. They offer stories about ordinary people, celebrities, news, and the arts. The New Yorker has a circulation of 1 million, People 3.75 million. People isn’t the better magazine, neither is The New Yorker. They serve different markets.
Even more closely-related magazines like People and Hello can’t be compared because although on the surface they are direct competitors, in reality they each do things differently and attract different markets (which do overlap in some places). People doesn’t care if you also buy Hello – they just want to interest you enough in buy People, and the rest doesn’t matter.
Reasons for Blogging
This leads to the next reason comparisons are bad: your blogging motivations. Some people blog to build a community and rely on building comments. Others focus on earning money, so sell advertising. Still others want to help people, or to provide a sort of lecture series, or… or… or…
There are millions of blogs out there and millions of bloggers each with distinct reasons for blogging.
And even if you do find someone who is doing the same thing you are, reaching the same market as you for the same reasons, comparisons can still harm you because…
Methods of Blogging
… how you blog will be different. Do you post 400 word articles every day? 1500 word essays once a week? Or 150 word updates three times day?
Then there’s voice, style, layout, design and thousands of other small ways that every blog is different.
Why Comparisons can be Good
Like a company that sets benchmarks (minimum standards), you can decide what constitutes success for you then compare your actions versus the results. Change up your blog layout and see how that affects your metrics (comments, subscribers, hits, etc…).
Of course, read other blogs and learn from them. Take things they do and try them out on your blog, then compare the results to your blog pre-change, not to the blog you got the idea from.
This way, you’re not reading blogs and hearing about successes full of envy and spite. You’re actually happy for their successes because that means you have someone else you can learn from to build your own success.
And then you can congratulate them without any hidden negativity spoiling the good news.
Alex Fayle, a Writer and Professional Organizer, cures people of the dreaded Someday Syndrome after discovering how to overcome his own 25-year obstacle. Want to stop putting off your “someday” dreams? Visit Alex’s site and learn how to cure your Someday Syndrome for a better life.
Hi there,
You touch some interesting points in this article. I can’t say that I compare myself with others cuz I realize how different we are.(I learned something from my grandmother – God rest her soul. She used to say to me : “Toma a hand has 5 fingers and every each and one is different. If finger are like that what can we say about humans ?”).
What I want to say is I don’t compare myself to others. I analyze their success and if I consider that what that person achieved could also help me then I try to figure out what created that success.
You should not compare what you have with what others have. Learn to use what is yours and how to use it to your advantage.
Thank you
Your competitors seem to love you when you are sucking wind and making zilch. You can be BFFs and chat each other’s blogs up. But as soon as you post that you are having success, ouch, jealousy sets in. Suddenly your competitors hate your guts and want nothing more than to see you fall. It is human nature.
I think the thing to do is, keep your success to yourself. Unless your blog is about how to blog, then you may have to post about your success in order to gain credibility.
Envy and jealousy thrive everywhere, not just in the blogosphere. I disagree with the above comment about not sharing your success. If you are trying to build a business or make a name for yourself, you have to get out there and share your success (respectfully), otherwise people won’t know about you.
When I see people doing similar things as me I look at it as a chance to learn or put a different spin on it. When someone is bothered my success that truthfully is not my problem. (assuming I have done no wrong doing, of course!)
I think there is a fine line between comparisons that are good and those that are inherently bad. It goes well beyond just the wording, but then again, differentiation can be a brilliant marketing tactic. Great stuff, thanks for your insights
Hey Alex,
Great post. For most people it can be easy to compare apples to oranges when they have not clearly defined “success” or have defined their own blog goals. Success is not a one size fits all destination. Most people lose sight of that fact.
Looking forward to seeing more posts.
Dali Burgado
Hi Alex,
It’s human nature to make comparisons, but I feel it’s more important to determine what you’re going to DO about the comparisons that matter most.
We can spend every day, all day long moaning the fact that someone else may be more articulate than ourselves, receive more comments on each post than ourselves, etc.
Personally speaking, I prefer to carefully consider what I might be able to LEARN from someone else who I feel and perceive to be a better writer, and how I can make necessary changes and improvements to my own blog writing rather than bemoaning someone else’s success.
This is a great post! I am intensely competitive, although (don’t ask me why) blogging doesn’t bring that out in me so much. Sometimes I look at other blogs and try to reverse-engineer what’s working so well, and sometimes I look at them and just recognize that I don’t have the particular resource (at the moment, anyway) that’s fueling their success. I’m not posting often enough, or I’m not as brave about revealing myself, or I don’t do the kind of nuts and bolts content that makes them so very linkable.
I love the observation that even though lots of blogging pals blow kisses constantly, inside most of us are seething. I think that’s exactly right.
@Toma
I love the advice of your grandmother – what a great line! I must remember to use it.
@Kyle
I don’t boast about my successes on my blog, but I do celebrate them. If others decide to be negative in their reactions, that’s their choice. As long as I’m not being egotistic about how I celebrate (ie, boasting), of course…
@Stacey
Yes, I see things the exact same way – thanks for saying it so well!
@WebSuccessDiva
Wording is especially important, isn’t it? And being slightly different from others is a perfect way to market yourself.
@Dali
It really is about deciding what success is for you, isn’t it? Once you know that, then the negative comparisons stop. And thanks! I look forward to more posts here too.
@Lin
It’s much easier to moan than do something about it. It’s unfortunate, but if we can learn instead of moan, then our success is that much closer.
@Sonia
You snuck in there while I was responding…
I’m glad you like the post. I do the reverse-engineering thing too. The other thing I remind myself about is time. I’m hugely impatient so expect things to happen NOW instead of in six months or a year (or more).
[...] P.S. Check out my latest guest post on Remarkablogger – Why Can’t I Be You? Why Comparisons are Bad for Your Blog Health. [...]
I have done this before, and I totally agree with you all it does is make my own productivity fall off and makes me lose focus.
I think it is important to look at how other bloggers achieved success and then find your own style, work hard and follow effective techniques and everything works out great!
@JR
Good for you for being able to take the envy and make it positive. I admit to having bad days where I just can’t seem to do that, but then I shake it off and get focused again exactly the way you are. It’s all a matter of time as long as we’re doing the right things, eh?
[...] was reading Michael Martines blog when I came across this great guest post by Alex Fayle of Someday Syndrome In many situations comparisons are good (like a runner dropping in her [...]
[...] in the blogosphere, according to Alex Fayle, of Someday Syndrome, guest-posting at Michael Martine’s [...]
[...] talked about this in a post on Remarkablogger In many situations comparisons are good (like a runner dropping in her minutes/per mile ratio you [...]